Take Charge of Your Health - The New Mary Poppins
“There are only four kinds of people in the world:
Those who have been caregivers. Those who are currently caregivers.
Those who will be caregivers, and those who will need a caregiver.”
- Rosalyn Carter
Selecting care for a loved one requires thoughtfulness, time, and energy...and it is worth every second...
Forty plus years ago, I hired my first au pair. It was scary to leave our firstborn son with someone we didn’t know well. Fortunately, she was a gem: a Brazilian woman, smart, compassionate, and patient. Over the years and three children into it, we experienced all sorts of au pairs, nannies, and babysitters from geographies around the world. Once the kids were in elementary school, I thought those days were behind us. Little did I know that childcare was just a precursor for the care of elderly parents...and the skills and traits that we looked for then, are every bit as important now.
What I learned from those days was that there are cultures that believe the caring for people is an essential element of who they are and what they are. That is not necessarily who we are as Americans, which is not to say that we’re not compassionate or kind or considerate or loving. It is only to say that perhaps we no longer understand or express the respect, the reverence, and the impact that other cultures place on the elderly. With a mother who lived a century, a mother-in-law who is approaching that within another few years, and a brother who suffers from ALS and dementia, I’ve had a front row seat to what true compassion, true reverence, and true honor really means.
Finding help for the elderly or infirm is not easy, but there are resources available to make it easier. The first is simply word of mouth. Ask around. You are not the only one in this position of needing assistance. And just like finding recommendations for babysitters as kids age out of needing one, the elderly, as well, age out of their caregiving needs through a change in status or death. The AARP provides a free guide to help caregivers navigate the difficult questions surrounding care of older adults. AARP also provides guidance for hiring caregivers including what reasonable job expectations are and how to find potential caregivers. And Spark Hire offers specific interview questions that are helpful in honing in on perspective candidates.
In the end successful caregivers (like with children) should have physical stamina, be flexible, honest, and patient as well as have compassion, good communication skills, and a willingness to pay attention to detail. Should you decide to go the route of hiring an agency, it is important to ask about training, insurance, backup, and cost. Regardless of how you choose to hire, take the time to check references as the input and experience of others can be invaluable both in gaining insights and increasing your comfort level.
Finding the right caregiver will give you peace of mind, and while we can't be all things to all people, we can do the best we can by being sure that our loved ones' needs are being met with care, competency, and understanding. Frustration, anxiety, second-guessing, and guilt have no place in the equation and will only make a difficult situation worse. Like the babysitters or au pairs or nannies of our children's youth, the right adult caregivers offer us the ability to continue on with our own life responsibilities while simultaneously caring for a loved one with the consideration they deserve.